After a lot of fiddling, I finally got this page set up! And god did it take a lotta learning. However it looks so good; I'm really proud of it. This'll be home to some change logs, which will be included in these posts. I've been working really hard on this site for a bit now and I'm just so in love with how it looks thus far.

In other news, fuck 4th of July. Not only did it sound like a quite literal warzone in my neighborhood, but people were also setting off fireworks AN ENTIRE WEEK BEFORE THE 4TH. Our poor dog has to be drugged up just to cope with all the noise. It's not even like this damned country is worth celebrating anyway. Ugh. Well it's over now—the worst of it is anyhow. Hopefully the dog can calm down.

<sub>Current Music: Boneless Terror - E.A.T

Change Log:
- Added entrance for the blogs, and the microblog.
- Updated Bookmarks.

To Do:
- Create the boomer shooter blog page.
- Work on Media Library.
- Play more Duke Nukem 3D.
- Take a god damn break.</sub>

I gave myself a little sanity break, which worked out because things got a bit stressful and then I needed to do a blood draw. Good news, I didn't pass out! I even got some writing done the day before; I'll finish it when I'm not running on four hours of sleep.

Pluto (my S/O) reminded me of how fun the original Quake is, so I've been dipping my toes a little bit into that alongside Duke Nukem 3D. I'll be talking about that more in length when I actually get the boomer shooter blog up. I'm actually working on that right now! Arknights also had a new event come out. I'll admit, I'm not too interested in it and I've just been farming materials. However I think Reed looks cute. Will I try to pull for her? Probably not; I already got my freebie 5★ so my chances are low. I also really wanna fucking play Bloodborne again.
Like so fucking bad.

Well in terms of the site, I have some pretty big plans for the boomer shooter page. However all of them are very ambitious and I only know HTML and CSS, and I currently do not want the torture of learning to navigate Javascript. Even if it's toned down, I'll find a way to make it look cool. :-]

<sub>Current Music: Nine Inch Nails - Piggy

To Do:
- Work on the boomer shooter blog page.
- Work on Media Library.
- Play more Duke Nukem 3D.</sub>

Good news: the boomer shooter space is finally up! Happy with how it turned out, and I'll be making the first post shortly after this one. I also made the landing page a warning, just because I feel like some folk would get disturbed by some of the images used. Better safe than sorry.

As for more site updates, I'm thinking about adding a shrines page. I wanna give some representation to other things I love (Arknights being the main idea in my head rn) and obviously not everything needs a whole dedicated blog. I also definitely want to add a guest book; I wanted to add one when I first made this, but I didn't think it was actually possible. I was still learning HTML so I was looking for a way to intergrate it myself, and didn't put together that that can just...be hosted by other people.

In terms of life nothing too exciting has happened recently. A good friend of mine showed me a fictional documentary about whales on another planet and I found it so fucking fascinating. The world building and presentation is just top-notch in every sense of the word. If you have about an hour to waste please do yourself a favor and sink your time into this. I guaranteee you will not regret it.

<sub>Current Music: Slipknot - Spit It Out (Hyper Version)

To Do:
- Work on Media Library.
- Add a guest book.
- Put down HTML and actually write something for once.
- Work more on the site AFTER writing something.</sub>

I wanted to make this update sooner, but yesterday was very busy. So! Late update!

Y'know, birthdays weren't as wonderful as they were before I met my S/O. Nowadays they're super great but years ago they were actually pretty boring and even sad at points. Nowadays I have some lovely friends and my aforementioned S/O, and all because of them it's a day I can be happy about. :-]

(Even if I had to deal with something extremely obnoxious and dumb hours after midnight and into the next morning.)

Every year on my birthday I listen to a song that's followed me since childhood:
"Cruxshadows - Birthday"

It's a very special song to me, as the lyrics resonate deeply with me as a person. Every year I sit down and truly, deeply contemplate the question the song asks:

"Look at your life.
Who do you want to be before you die?"

Every year my answer is different. Not to be too melancholy, but for a while my answer was just..."alive." I had no other goals other than to just live. Some years I didn't even want to live; I didn't put thought into the question because I didn't think I'd even make it long. For this year I think my answer is once again "alive," however! Not in a negative way anymore! What this answer means to me this year is "I don't care who I am. I just want to be alive and happy." I'm no longer crawling my way through this life, and I'm enjoying the time I have. So I don't care who I am, because what I have is nice enough right now. I'd just like to be alive and awake to experience what time I'm given. ♥

...however if I were to set a person I want to be, it'd be a hot ass punk t-girl. And I'm basically already there!

As for the small site update I have, I've added the library's main screen! I'm currently working on the lists, and software will be the one that comes first. Keep an eye out for that!~
I'm also thinking about adding a new page: a punk DIY page. It would be a page conglomerating punk guides and how-to's i've found around the web. That would probably be the last page I add, since that's a big undertaking. Who knows?

<sub>Current Music: Bad Religion - What Can You Do?
♫ You see the world's falling apart at the rifts, and surprisingly the leaders can't make any seeeense of it!~ ♫

Change Log:
- Added Media Library entrance.
- Added 'under construction' page.
- Added ??? and ???.
- Removed Herobrine.

To Do:
- Work on Media Library's pages.
- Add a guest book.
- Add shrines.
- Dye my pants and patch some more!</sub>

Jesus H Christ.

So I mentioned last update that I had to deal with some bullshit. Honestly that was small enough—it still pisses me off a little but I can get the circumstances. But then, an even bigger wave of bullshit hit me and now I have to deal with that too!

Listen, I'll be honest: I was abhorrant in the past. I was in a bad spot mentally and I decided that taking it out in the worst way possible was the solution I was going to take at the time. It hurt some people and I get that, I've talked with those effected and I've said that the doors open for them to leave any time they like. And they said they forgave me! Multiple times, as a matter of fact! Well I guess that was a lie, and now they've decided to start a war.

Wanting me out of your life is one thing—one understandable thing as a matter of fact. Deciding to go around and stretch the truth (to the point where, at times, it becomes actual lying), dragging people I know into it, making some vague post WITH said lies after blocking me everywhere, and all this starting because I called out something slightly racist? I don't think I need to point out how immature that is, Ember.

I won't even begin to dive into the white fragility bullshit there, or the blatant microaggressions you and your white friends have done to my s/o, or the lies you've spread, or how you seemingly lied to me for years when you continued to talk to me despite claiming to be so hurt by my actions from years ago. No, I won't go into that. Because you would start crying and start pointing to it, saying how that proves your point, and your porceline doll of a friend would shatter at even the slightest tone change. I tried to accomodate for you two. I have been making genuine efforts to be a better person and I have had multiple people tell me that I am indeed better. EVEN YOU. MULTIPLE TIMES. And once again, I would understand if you'd want to be away from me! Genuinely! I know what I've done in the past and I would say yes if you asked for some space!

But you have decided to handle it like this.
Like a Twitter stan. Like a child.
Not like the adult you claim to be.

Consider this an open invitation to attempt to reach out to me and apologize. Keyword attempt.

As for everyone else reading this, sorry if you decided to. And an even bigger apology if you've been dragged into this...shitty little melodrama. As for this little porceline doll you have, I actually would have been fine continuing to talk with you. You wronged me, but I get the reason and I'm willing to forgive. But I guess you've chosen a side, so...I suppose this is goodbye.

More site changes coming soon. I've had to deal with all of this on top of my childhood pet passing away, although admittedly that actually isn't too heavy on me. She passed very peacefully and I got to have a very long last moment with her, so I'm satisfied with how it ended. I'll add a shrine to her whenever I get around to my shrines page. I just need some time to destress after this bullshit. Thank you to all the friends I have that are still with me. You guys have been very patient with me through all my changes and all this bullshit as well, and I owe you the world. Especially thank you to Pluto for being my emotional rock through all this. You're the best I could ever ask for.



<sub>Current Music: Nine Inch Nails - The Big Come Down
♫ Try so hard to make the pieces all fit. Smash it apart, just for the fuck of it! ♫

To Do:
- Work on Media Library's pages.
- Add a guest book.
- Add shrines.
- Relax.</sub>

After some R&R, I'm feeling much better! I've had some time to ruminate and decide, and after thinking on it I'm actually pretty fucking thankful to be out of their lives. I may have had to cut quite a few deep connections, but I have the ones that refuse to die and that's all I really need. And I've even made some new friends, who have been nothing but a joy to talk to thus far!

Overall I've decided that she's just lying and playing victim for attention, all over some shit that happened years ago (as well as some shit that she's, again, lying about) and something extremely petty in terms of modern situations. I've got my friends and they're with me no matter what, so if she wants to act like that fine. She ain't in my life anymore sooooooo

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Do what you want. It ain't worth my time.

In terms of the site, it's back to work for me! As you can probably see on the home page, I'm experimenting with new cursors. My main priority, however, is to get the media library done post-haste so that I may add a guest book. Stay tuned!

<sub>Current Music: Autoheart - Lent
♫ I don't wanna, I don't wanna act like this—back then yes, maybe, now it's crazy. We're no good for one another ♫

To Do:
- Same as last time.</sub>

I just ate half a pan of soft pretzels I baked. Do I feel sick? Yeah. Was it worth it? In every way possible.

You know, I never actually tried the Integrated Strategies thing in Arknights before. It just didn't really appeal to me at first, but one day I was like "god I really wanna play more Arknights. I wish there was more to play. I might as well try this." It's surprisingly fun! I love both events available, but I will say I think I prefer how Mizuki & Caerula Arbor is formatted over Phantom & Crimson Solitaire. That is, in terms of game play. Phantom & Crimson Solitaire panders to me in terms of themes and story I enjoy more.

It's gotten me to start thinking about fantasy settings again, alongside Bloodborne and this new game I picked up called Moonscars. Just that sort of like...gothic fantasy feel is something I really fucking enjoy. I oughta do more with it (I say that as if I'm not already :-]).

And, for site updates! I put in a few posts I've been meaning to make on the boomer shooter page! I kept forgetting to before. I also added some minor updates to the pages with the warp things so it more accurately reflects the pages in the library. And! Brand new page! The games page is finally up! Next up is the videos page.

Also word of advice: remove the chains you wear before going into a court house. Sort of a pain in the ass for me to stand at the entrance and have to remove everything before being allowed through. At least the pig helping me was nice about it. AND I killed the look.

<sub>Current Music: Slipknot - Get This
♫ DON'T BERATE ME! CAUSE YOU CAN'T STOP ME FROM BREAKING YOUR FACE! IT'S YOU I'LL ERASE! IT'S HATE MOTHERFUCKER, HATE MOTHERFUCKER, HATE! ♫

Change Log:
- Added 'Games' page to Media Library.
- Added ???.
- Updated boomer shooter page.
- Updated warp terminals.

To Do:
- Work on Media Library's pages.
- Add a guest book and shrines pages.
- Play more Moonscars.</sub>

I'm happy to announce that the videos tab is now officially up in the library! I'm super pleased with how it turned out thus far. In the future there'll most definitely be more to add as I watch more stuff, but as of now I'm incredibly happy with how the page turned out. Now! For the books and cd's page! That'll be super fun, I love to share music with people.

Speaking of music, I've been getting a lot more into metalcore as of late. I got introduced to the genre via deathcore in a search for songs that make me detonate with a burst of energy, and I gotta say this is sort of exactly what I've been looking for all these years. I never really got too into metal because I never found it hardcore enough for me. The songs are wonderful, don't get me wrong! I just have a specific craving for shit that goes hard. Metalcore and deathcore scratch that exact itch I have. I got into a band called Ice Nine Kills from their album The Silver Scream, and god that album is such a fucking treat. Hardcore songs based on old films, including slashers? Count me the FUCK in. That album has been the only thing I've been listening to since I found it, specifically 'Thank God It's Friday' since Jason is my fucking boy.

In other news, Arknights came out with a Laterano based event rerun, and my god am I exploding about it. Laterano is by far my favorite country and I love every single piece of lore surrounding it. I'm gonna be loving the hell out of this event. I haven't played more Moonscars yet, but that's mostly because I've been playing Voices of The Void with friends. That game sure gets fucking nutty at times, I hope it gets even more stuff in the future cause I love it.

And hey, here's some advice! Do wrist exercises! Not just stretches, but full on exercises. I've started doing those lately, where I'm not only stretching my wrists but also using a weight to strengthen them. It feels great to do! My wrists have always been fucked due to just how much I do with them and how often I forget to exercise them, so doing these proper has been really good for me. Do those before you fuck something up!

<sub>Current Music: Ice Nine Kills - Thank God It's Friday
♫ He drowned in all our sins, he drowned in our mistakes, fueled by the flood we pay in blood, the curse of Crystal Lake!~ ♫

Change Log:
- Added 'Videos' page to Media Library.
- Updated warp terminals.

To Do:
- Work on 'Books & CD's' page for Media Library.
- Add a guest book and shrines pages.
- Play more Moonscars Voices of The Void!
- More patching.</sub>

Hey hey hey! Once again a little bit since the last update, but that's for good reason!

First of all, we have a new cat! His name is Sir Apollo, and he's such a sweetheart. Seriously, it's jarring how sweet he is since he looks pissed off all the time. It's honestly hard to read his body language, because of a two main reasons. One, because he has resting bitch face, and two, because his tail moves a lot. A cat flicking their tail usually means they're either looking to play or they're pissed off (depending on the position of the tail), however Apollo's tale just moves all the time. Like on one hand it's adorable because it goes a little crazy when you pet him, but on the other hand it makes it so hard to read him at times.

Still, he's really a sweetie! When we first met he hated my dog since he really likes to make new friends and thus sort of shoved himself into Apollo's personal space. We've had to keep Apollo in a room for about a week now, and we've slowly been letting him out as he's gotten used to the space thanks to a baby gate, but I digress. When we moved him into the office for the first time I was unsure how he would react to me, since he was understandibly mad at Sunny, but the second I closed the door? Came up to me and headbutted my hand, purring the entire time, gave me a flop. I honestly really love him; at first I was unsure, as it seemed too soon after my other cat's passing. However this is honestly what I needed. My grief and the joy of a new friend can co-exist. It's done wonders for my mental health. :-]

In other news! And arguably the most exciting piece of news yet! I FINALLY HAVE A NEW COMPUTER!

For those not in my life, you have to understand: my previous computer was very old. It still used DVI cables for the monitors, and I had no fucking clue people don't use those anymore! My processor had well past its 10 year anniversary and it was honestly a fucking miracle I could run modern games at all (the processor was made at ~2010). Honestly I was fully willing to just ride with that bitch until it died, but thank god I got a new one. I can actually run things I've been wanting to for years! I can run Discord alongside games that actually look nice! Fuck, I CAN PLAY DOOM ETERNAL! I was fucking CRUSHED when I found out it wouldn't run because I had pre-ordered that shit, but now I can play it on mouse and keyboard!

However, not to let the gift horse in the mouth, however...Windows 11. I'll more than likely dump my complaints in a different blog post cause this ones already getting long.

Site updates! I gotta do 'em! Honestly with getting some thorns out of my side my life has started to regain some structure, so now I gotta figure out how to balance all the things I wanna do again. In a great way! These are all things I really wanna do and I'm so excited to have some semblance of a schedule again! Stay tuned!

Oh, by the way! For anyone following me on here, do feel free to hit me up! Not sure entirely how Neocities works in that regard, but I do have linked socials! And you can always leave a comment.~

<sub>Current Music: Grim Salvo - Feasting.On.The.Guts.Of.Angels.
♫ I'm sick of the front! I got no fucking patience, yeah yeah!~ She jump down my throat! Manage your expectations, yeah yeah!~ You're building a roof! When you got no foundation, yeah yeah!~ Signal the smoke! Spare me the altercation, yeah yeah!~ ♫

To Do:
- Same as last time honestly.</sub>

I'm still alive! I promise! I haven't forgotten!

I just haven't really gotten around to updating this shit. Well...somewhat. I've decided to set the books and CDs section of the library for the time being because I wanna make a special gift for my friends, which means making the shrines page early! I've honestly been so fucking excited to make the shrines page, so this is something I'm very much looking forward to. I also wanna clean up the code on some pages; now that I have a new monitor, I realize some stuff can look weird on different aspect ratios. So I wanna figure out how to like, clean that up.

Let's see, other happenings...

On Halloween me and Pluto watched American Psycho, which was fucking hilarious. They cringed so hard at one specific part, enough to just scream. It was that scene where Bateman is forcing the two drunk hookers to have gay sex, all the while he kneels beside them and starts saying facts about Whitney Houston. God showing them that was so good. They're so cute. I love them.

Now that I have a much better PC, I've been playing games I couldn't before! Old Doom WADs that used to hard lag me, games that would run like a bag of ass, etc. I downloaded that new Robocop game on a whim last night and have been playing it. It's pretty good! It's nothing to shit over honestly, but I appreciate the combat at least (just wish there wasn't so much inbetween. I came here to shoot things damn it). I also downloaded Metal Hellsinger, which...oh my fucking god. I used to play on console and that was just such a sweatfest. Playing on PC is SUCH a huge difference. Like, it is SHOCKING. It's also addictingly fun, I've been thinking about playing it again like all fucking day.

Also, shout out to Aeden for getting me fucking addicted to Spiritbox. We were just gonna listen to one of their albums, but we ended up binging their entire discography. It's just so. Ough. It's so addicting but it also drags me into a fucking mood. God but it's so good. I love that metalcore shit.

_{Current Music: Spiritbox - Jaded
♫ And I've always been ashamed that I wanna fall into a dream with my honor desecrated. Blood is jaded. ♫}